Thick & Creamy Hidden Veg Cheezy Sauce

I've had a few people ask me about how to get more veg into the diets of weirdos who are "veg phobic". Let's not have a discussion right now about how ridiculous it is to be grossed out by plants when people live off of boiled, sweetened cow bones shaped like inanimate objects and food more closely related to plastic than carrots - we all know it's bloody stupid, but it does exist.

Anyway, my advice to those people would be to treat your special diner like a tempestuous child and hide your vegetables. Either in some sort of nondescript sauce to cover something beige and inoffensive, or make it look like a familiar and friendly foodstuff; like a burger. Either way, be secure in the knowledge that people that are scared of veg don't know what's good for themselves and should be treated accordingly.

Is your fusspot sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin- by sneaking a whole cauliflower into a sauce, that is almost entirely...well...cauliflower.

This recipe makes a mahoosive amount of sauce, 5 dinners so far and still some going. First serving was on even more veg in the form of courgette ribbons and konjac noodles- you could obviously just use actual pasta, but why have less veg when you could have more? More- MORE!!!! Mwahahahahaa!


Hidden Veg Cheezy Sauce
serves at least 6

1 small/medium cauliflower, broken into florets
1 small white onion, finely sliced
1 small red onion, finely sliced (I would have used a big onion, but this is what I had.)
1 leek, finely sliced
1 carrot, peeled & grated
7 cloves of garlic, smashed
1/2 cup of nooch
juice of half a lemon
some freshly shelled peas
salt & pepper
olive oil
Koko milk

to serve:
fresh thyme leaves picked
courgette ribbons
konjac noodles, cooked
sundried tomatoes, chopped
Violife, grated
flat mushrooms, grilled
jacket potato

  1. Bring a pan of salted water to the boil with a smashed garlic clove.
  2. Plop in your cauliflower, bring back to the boil and simmer for 10 minutes or until tender.
  3. Heat some oil in a large pot and gently soften your onions, leek and carrot.
  4. Once tell tale soft, add in the garlic- you know the score.
  5. Drain your cauli & pop in a food processor with the cooked onion mix. Blitz with some Koko milk, nooch, lemon juice and seasoning until creamy. Or if you also want to avoid washing up, use a stick blender like I did. Not quite as smooth, but smooth enough for me to not want to dig around in the cupboard or make sure I have a clear sink for afterwards.
  6. Taste and re-season if necessary. If not, bravo clever clogs.
  7. Stir in your peas and top an edible item of your choice with the cheezy sauce thing. Garnish with thyme or add extra cheezy things
  8. Plonk it on top of your chosen cheezy goo carrier and demolish.
  9. Feel satisfyingly full of cauliflower.
  10. Go team vegetable!


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