The Ugly Yumling

'Cor I don't half make some ugly dinners but this one takes the prize. Its sludgy grey/green appearance spread out across an old, well seasoned baking tray does not make an inspiring feast for the eyes. Despite it's hideous appearance, this is one of the tastiest vegetable bakes I've ever knocked together. I also like that it doesn't need anything with it, so is essentially a complete meal in one beastly incarnation.

In essence it's just some roasted veg smothered in a garlic mushroom & spinach sauce and topped with crispy quinoa flakes. Sounds rather innocent when you put it like that, eh?

I think you're just going to have to trust me on this one. Would it help if I told you that this dish is the reason Massive Munch & I ate an entire cauliflower in about 20 minutes? Well, we did. So there.

The Ugly Yumling
serves 2 troll devouring vegans,
but would probably serve 4 if you wanted to make something with it.
Who's got the time for that though?

for the bake:
1 carrot, peeled & grated
1 leek, sliced
1 small cauliflower, cut into small florets
1 green pepper, skinned and chopped
olive oil

for the sauce:
1 tbsp Koko spread
1 tbsp gf flour (I used Doves Farm white bread flour because it was open & close to hand)
250g mushrooms, sliced
6 garlic cloves, chopped small
3 big handfuls of spinach
500ml Koko milk
pinch of chilli salt

to top:
a couple of handfuls of quinoa flakes

  1. Preheat your oven to gas mark 6 or equivalent. Throw all of your bake ingredients into a baking tray (who'd have guessed?!), stir to intermingle and then throw in the oven. 25-30 minutes should do it depending on how small you've chopped your veggies.
  2. Gently fry off your mushrooms and garlic until just warmed through.
  3. In a saucepan, make a roux with your Koko butter and flour, add in your Koko milk, mushrooms & garlic and bring to the boil. Get you stick blender in and blitz until it's a rather unappetising Teresa May grey.
  4. Next add in your spinach, season and roughly blitz again until Teresa May looks like she may have been slimed by something from Ghostbusters. Taste her to check the seasoning. Go on, taste slimed Teresa May. You're surprised at how delicious she is aren't you? Thought so.
  5. Once your veggies are roasted, top with your delicious grey/green goo, sprinkle a couple of handfuls of quinoa flakes over the top and then pop under a hot grill until browned.
  6. Take it out to your nearest and dearest and stare at their face as you grinningly serve it to them forcing them to feign some sort of gratitude towards this rather obvious abomination you've lovingly crafted.
  7. Keep staring as you watch their face go from forced appreciation to genuine surprise at it not actually tasting anything like a sinewy unelected Prime Minister full of hate.
  8. It really is very tasty.
  9. Honest.
  10. We ate the whole thing. Quickly.
  11. That's a lot of veg.
  12. It's going to smell like Teresa May's humanity in here very soon...rotten
  13. Parp.


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