Saying "Hell(mann's) No!" to Inadequate Mayo.

Since taking this ethical malarky seriously, my mayonnaise consumption has seriously decreased.
This is not because I'm trying to be healthy or can no longer face fatty mayonnaise, I'd still have it slathered on nearly everything if it wasn't for Hellmann's being in cahoots with the actual devil- Monsanto- and they aren't the only ones. If you'd like to avoid companies known to use Monsanto produce, I'm reposting the list at the bottom of this post for you to print off and take shopping, in case you've missed it.

Hellmann's use GM oils in their products, and what's worse than this is they completely refuse to respond to anyone who has queried or mentioned this on their public Facebook page, despite them being super speedy to respond if you complain about not being able to get your mayo out of their new squeezy bottle. Excellent priorities. Clearly they aren't willing to rock the Monsanto boat.

On a side note, they also use Calcium Disodium EDTA as a preservative. Some info on this formaldehydesodium cyanide, and Ethylenediamine based goodness can be found here. Yummy.

I was raised on Hellmann's and I bloody love it, I really do, but since refusing to put any money in Monsanto's pocket or any GM in my face, I have found it really hard to find an acceptable organic replacement for my ultimate condiment. They're all too vinegary, or sour, or sweet, or runny, or just plain vile! VILE, I TELL YOU.

So, obviously as someone who prefers to eat actual food over poison, I've started making my own. I'm also playing with flavoured varieties like lemon, garlic or chilli, and I'm here now to share my basic recipe with you, so that you can do what you like with it, as long as you promise to stop buying Hellmann's.

Mix in two minced, raw garlic cloves to make it, well, garlicky.

Boom, Boom, Boom, Let Me Here You Say Mayo!

2 egg yolks

1 egg
1 tbsp strong english mustard, or any mustard you prefer
2 tbsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp sugar
200ml groundnut oil
200ml vegetable oil
cayenne pepper
salt & pepper

Part way there! Keep going!
  1. Throw the egg, yolks, lemon juice, mustard and sugar into a bowl and whisk together. This is pretty easy with a handheld mixer, and even easier with a food processor. Neither of which I have, so I use a spatula and sheer determination.
  2. Slowly pour in a little oil at a time whilst continuously mixing and fully incorporating each drop before adding more.
  3. Season with the salt, pepper and cayenne to taste.
  4. Slap it on your fish. Slap it on your chips. Slap it on your sandwich. Slap it on your partner. Just eat your ruddy good, ethical, GM free, home made mayo! (WAYOH!)
If you have a food processor, use it! This took AGES!

So, are there any common packet products that you now prefer to make yourself?


  1. After reading your blog I have just chucked my jar of Hellmans in the bin. Thank you for being our foodie foot soldier and keeping us informed of all the rubbish we are expected to eat


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